She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
