Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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