You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
