she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
