So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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