I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
