she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
