she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
