my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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