let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
