I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
