She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize