My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
