I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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