can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
