Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
