writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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