I just made out with a guy for $7.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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