No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
