Pants 0. Shit 1.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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