um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
