he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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