Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize