Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
