You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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