His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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