Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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