ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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