Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
