i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she told me i tasted like america
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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