She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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