Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
