Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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