i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
