i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
