im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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