Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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