this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
