Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
