Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
