I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
