I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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