you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
