idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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