I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
