Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
