Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
