I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
