I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
