At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
