who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
