I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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