Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
