I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
