the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
