My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
