You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
