I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
