Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
