i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
