she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
