At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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