your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
