i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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