I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
