i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
