he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
