can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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