do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
