i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
