you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
