I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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