I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
