What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
