he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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