I love black thongs
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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