The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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