He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
