the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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