Do you still have your period?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
