We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize