AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
